When parents loose a child, it is difficult enough, and when they have other children, it makes it much more difficult because their children are grieving the loss of a sibling too and how to help them?
This is a huge topic and in this series I want to keep the focus on the parents, but I do want to mention one important thing which I think encompasses a number of issues which will come up. The surviving children will immediately have a new social identity of the dead child's sibling. Initially this can be a good thing, but over time it becomes contaminating of a healthy identity. This child is so much more than the dead child's sibling. This child has his/her own abilities, talents, friends, future. This child should be freed from this identity as simply the brother or sister of the dead child.
In our case when Brigid and Ryan were killed, they had 7 older siblings all of whom were affected and suffered from their loss in the same and yet in different ways. As a parent who loves all his children dearly, I am acutely aware of how this loss has affected each of them differently. The ability to attend to their loss is difficult when one is grieving himself, and yet I have lost two children already, I don't intend to loose any more if there is anything I can do about it.
It becomes a tricky business between finding the right balance between acknowledging the loss and concomitant new identity and getting on with one's life. In the midst of their own grief, the parents of the dead child must be ever aware of the wellness of the siblings. Parents should seek out feedback, support, and advice from trusting and understanding friends and relatives. If none are available turn to a pastor or a mental health professional who specializes in family therapy.
This is aticle #14 in a series on Grieving Parents.
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