The first impact of grief on a parent who has loss a child is disorganization. The simplest things seem impossible: shopping, preparing meals, doing laundry, letting alone keeping up with social obligations and responsibilities.
It is very difficult, if not impossible, to make decisions.
At this point, for the first 3 months, a grieving parent should have a personal assistant. A personal assistant is a person who takes care of the mundane, routine, daily chores and errands.
I did not have that. I was the one who took care of everyone else. I put one foot in front of the other and did what had to be done, but it took a toll and it is one, which 16 years later, I still have not recovered from.
People said, "You're so strong. I don't know how you did it." I was in survivor mode, but there was a lot that didn't get done, a lot that slipped through the cracks.
My advice at this stage is :
get help
let people help
excuse yourself from social obligations and responsibilities
don't make any big decisions
conserve your energy and only do what you absolutely have to do
get extra rest and time alone
cry, mope, cocoon, lick your wounds, wait while the dust settles
don't drink or drug
exercise when you can
enjoy the arts and nature
tell the story of your child's life and what your child meant to you to people whom you trust and who are good listeners.
Be careful about accepting people's advice. There is no right way to grieve.
sleep and nap whenever you can.
This is article #9 in a series on Grieving Parents.
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