Psychotherapy relfections - Lonliness

I have been struck recently in the consulting room with a sense of lonliness in my clients.

After clients have told their story, I often ask, "Who can you turn to?" The saddest response is "there isn't anyone." And, of course, that's one of the reasons they are talking with a counselor.

In our materialistic culture the riches of community have often been marginalized by the pursuit of materialism. The value of person is in what he or she can produce or consume. They have little value in a capitalistic society otherwise.

I find myself talking with clients about how they can recruit and invite into their lives people who would be understanding and supportive. I attempt to help them create and "emotional support system". I attempt to help them create community which outside of the virtual world is increasingly difficult.

Perhaps the difficulty in creating a "first life" explains the appeal of a "second life". Facebook and MySpace substitutes for the real thing.

Homo sapiens is a social animal and our sense of identity is a social construction. People who become isolated, withdrawn, lonely die from a lack of what the Interactional Analysis folks, like Eric Berne, called "strokes".

In 1964 William Schofield's classic book about psychotherapy entitled "The Purchase Of Friendship" was published. While psychotherapy is not friendship but rather a professional service, for the lonely it can be a start in building a sense of community which can facilitate a greater sense of health.

This is article #3 in a series on Psychotherapy Reflections.