Parent hungered transfomed by mystical awareness

"I have no father. There's nothing unusual about that - even children who do have fathers are often suprised to see them. My own father came out of the sea and went back that way. He was crew on a fishing boat that harboured with us one night when the waves were crashing like a dark glass. His splintered hull shored him long enough to drop anchor inside my mother.
Shoals of babies vied for life.
I won."

Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping, p.3

I can't tell you how many kids I see in my psychotherapy practice, and adult children too, who have no sense of why they were born. It seems like an accident, a bolt out of the blue, a freak accident of nature.

They often know their mothers and usually express a combination of gratitude and contempt for them, but have no sense of their fathers and so say very little out of unconscious fear of alienating even further than they already are.

And the sense of the relationship between their mothers and fathers is a total cipher. There is not a clue, and even if asked about, is met with stories from the fanciful to the tragic to the ephemeral.

I am reluctant to ask for fear of arousing shame "Were you wanted as a child? Did you parents intend to conceive you or were you an accident?"

Few people know the answer to this question. Should they? What difference does it make?

The difference it makes is whether they created an intentional place for you in the world or were you left to survive as a product of unintentional circumstance.

I meet many people who have no father and many who have no mothers either other than a shell of a woman who became the accidental vehicle of birth frought with much ambivalence.

My heart goes out to them and I feel deeply that they are loved by the universe otherwise the universe would not have fought so hard with stupid, unaware human beings to have produced another irreplaceable and precious soul.

As Jesus asks, "Who is your father? Who is your mother?" You are a child of the universe, not just biological matter, produced by unconscious human animals.