Grieving parents - How to manage grief with surviving siblings

One of the questions which grieving parents have about how to care for siblings is whether and to what extent to include them in grieving rituals.

The answer is YES!

Fantasies are much more powerful than reality.

Children need to be present to attend to the dying sibingly. They need to view the body. They need to be at the calling hours if there are any for as much time as they feel comfortable given their age and personality. They need to be at the funeral, at the buriel, at the meal afterward, and any other rituals which enable adults to recognize, acknowledge, and mourn the death, the siblings need to have the opportunity to attend to.

It is healthy and OK for children to see their parents grieve. Sparing the children this sight does the children no good.

Are there exceptions to these rules? Yes, but they are rare.

What might those exceptions be? - If the child refuses and will not participate even with encourgement.

I have known well meaning parents who have wanted to protect their children form the child's grief by not "bringing it up" or having the child participate. While well meaning, this makes grief a "secret", something which can't be talked about, something which the child comes to see is not OK to acknowledge, let alone express. This causes problems later because grief, as painful as it is, is normal, is part of life, is something which we all have to learn how to deal with.

This is article #15 in a series on Grieving Parents.