There are so many things that can be said, that can be shared, that can be felt and experienced when a parent looses a child. Barbara Rosof in her book, The Worst Loss, (see the My Picks Book Carousel on the side bar) discusses a very important idea concerning the making of decisions during acute grief. She discusses the "4 Ds": Delegate, Defer, Decline, and Decide. These "Ds" need little explanation.
My first piece of advice is Don't Make Any Big Decisions. Wait. Let the dust settle.
My second piece of advice is Let A Person You Trust Decide For You. I will always be grateful to my brother-in-law, George, "Ricky", Mathews who helped me every minute for the first several days.
My third piece of advice is "Say No". Decline invitations and excuse yourself if at all possible from any unnecessary social obligations and responsibilities.
My fourth and last piece of advice is "If It Is Very Important To You, You Decide." This is about you and you have a right to grieve in your own way, in your own time, in your place, and if it is very important to you, insist on it, and don't let other people pressure you into doing anything or not doing anything that you feel strongly about.
OK? The 4 Ds. Thanks to Barb Rosof for laying it out so clearly. Excellent idea.
This is article #11 in a series on Grieving Parents.
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